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  • 01.04.2016 - Hard is easy, easy is hard

    Sometimes you do things that are hard and challenging.
    Like implementing SSL/TLS stack and fetching over https.
    Or making a procedurally generated universe that fits in 1Mb.
    And no one cares.

    Sometimes you do things that are extremely simple.
    Like showing off a 3D printed quadrocopter.
    Or reciting something obvious from a podium.
    And people are impressed.

    The amount of effort put in the first thing is huge, but it's not valued.
    The amount of effort you put into the second is about nil, but it's valued.

    You, on the other hand, expect to have the payoff be proportional to the effort.
    More effort equals more payoff.

    It might be tied to the old paradox of doing a good deed.
    You spent effort and missed a schedule to help and old lady you found laying across the path to get back home and call a doctor.
    You might expect some karmic repayment.
    What you get is an existential hurt that there is nothing in the world that would repay you for the deed, no enforcing of fairness like that.
    No one cares, other than yourself.

    What it should really be:
    If you spent a lot of effort it means you did a bad job and learned something.
    If you spent no effort, you did a good job, and learned nothing.
    Not always, but most of the time.

    And this is completely opposite to what your hedonic wiring tells you.

    Anything you are good at would seem simple to you, but the fact of the lack of effort at the output makes you feel like that output is worthless.
    So you avoid showing it, not wanting to annoy people with "bad work".

    Anything that you find impressive would be something that you did for the first time, and so be worthless, but you see it as valuable.
    So you show it off, and get hurt by the fact that "even your best" annoys people.

    It is a vicious circle of pain and self-improvement that ends up with 99 burnt-out husks for every Napoleon among it's sufferers.

    Gonna be a hard bias to compensate for...

    that was pretty deep, and describes me extremely well. what is the cure?
    13.05.2016 10:53 - gs

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